Huge Milestone

Well huge milestone this week! My children both started school! Caden is in pre-school and Cole is in Kindergarten. Yes, I know, where did the time go? Take a look back at those baby pics, would ya! I can't believe it. Kevin and I have both been emotional about it this week. My kids are growing up an I find myself missing the little baby days. Now, we didn't have Cole as a small baby, but 11 months is close enough! I miss holding them and rocking them. I miss feeding them their bottle. I miss bibs and Snuggies, but what can I say? Life goes on. They are growing and there's nothing I can do but embrace it. I have to find joy in their new stages of development.

They both had a great week. Caden loves his class and Cole also loves his class, but is really smitten with the library! He couldn't wait to get there on Thursday for Library class. He loved the fact that he could take any book home, read it, take it back and even get a new one the next week! I was so happy this week seeing him in the hallway at work. I got to check in on him a few times and peeked into his computer class. I know most parents don't have this luxury, so I do feel blessed. I'm so glad we are able to give this little boy the opportunities he has ahead of him. As an orphan in Guatemala, he had very little chance of success. I have a friend who does work down there frequently and she tells me of the children who are dropped off at the doorsteps of orphanages, or who are found just crawling through the streets. When Kevin was there little kids would run up to him and ask for money as their parent stood by and watched. What a miracle that we were connected to him and were given a chance to take him into our home! He can do anything he wants in our country. He has the opportunity to achieve great things and make such an impression on the world. I'm so glad that we could give him this opportunity and call him our son.

Now for Caden....this kid is 4 going on 30! Kevin says he walks into pre-school like he owns the joint! He is such a character. I asked him on Wednesday if he planned on going back to school and he said, "Yeah, I have to!" He is so sweet, but also ornery. I'm sure he'll be in everyone's business once he gets adjusted in his new class. I can already envision the conferences and phone calls I'm going to have because of this kid. He is an absolute joy to me though. He is truly a gift from God. All the waiting and pain was worth it. I heard a saying once that having children is like watching your heart walk around outside your body. How very true!

Have a great weekend!

In the Beginning...Part III

So, Kevin and I came home with our new son. He was so well adjusted from the beginning. It was amazing how well he did with us. He was a little clingy with Kevin at first, but he had known him the longest! He eventually came around with me as well, even though I couldn't pick him up. I held him in my lap a lot and took naps with him. At the time, I was off of work because of my pregnancy. I was about 6 months along and feeling crummier by the day. I was diagnosed with pre-term labor and also scored one point below a gestational diabetes diagnosis. My blood pressure was up and the Turbutaline wasn't working. I had to call in my contractions daily by way of a monitor belt system. The further along I got, the more I was contracting. The doctors would then increase my medicine, which just made me feel worse. I had lots of prayers and support at the time, which helped greatly! I never cared how bad I felt, because I was doing it for Caden. He was my inspiration to push through and stay strong. I had waited so long to be pregnant that now I tried to enjoy carrying him even though it took a toll on my body.

On Friday January, 29th I was finally allowed to take my catheter out and stop the Turbutaline. I knew this meant I would contract even worse, but I didn't care. I was 8 months along and felt it was in God's hands. All day Saturday I contracted. Some were mild, some were intense. I took Tylenol to stave off the pain. It didn't do much, but it was something. I did a load of Caden's little baby clothes in the afternoon Saturday, because I had a feeling he'd be there any day. I realized he had no socks, so Kevin an I went to Babies-R-Us while I was still having contractions and basically waiting for them to get bad enough to head to the hospital.

By Sunday morning, the contractions were really intense and then I had the one that through me into a new level of discomfort and knew it was time! I ran upstairs to grab Kevin and tell him to get ready. He asked if I was sure it was really time. (We'd been to the hospital with false labor at least 3 times before.) I said, "Yes, I'm positive" and proceeded to have a contraction that doubled me over. Seeing this he staring moving quicker and called his mom to take Cole.

We arrived at the hospital at 10:30ish and everyone was so calm there. They gave me an injection of pain medicine to keep me comfortable and said my epidural was on the way. Things were going so fast. They checked me and realized I had dilated 5 cm already. The doctor's intern broke my water and things were rolling. The contractions were getting super strong by then and luckily they started my epidural. The doctor told me that if I felt one twinge of pain to let the nurse know and they get the anesthesiologist back to administer more medicine through my epidural. Dr. Zitter said, "You've been through hell with this pregnancy. There's no need for you to feel any of this." I thanked her and laid there for a while awaiting my 2nd son.

At 2:44 on December 31, 2006, Caden Thomas Shearn was born. I was so overcome with emotion it was hard to contain. After he was delivered and they measured him, the nurse handed him to me and I remember kissing his little foot. He was so sweet and perfect. Kevin was crying and exuding joy. Our two kids were finally here!



The long awaited baby number 2!

After holding Caden for a few minutes, he began to wheeze. I paid no attention because I'd never heard a brand-new baby breathe. However, the nurse and doctor picked up on it and the next thing I knew 3 nurses in blue uniforms swarmed in and grabbed Caden saying they were taking him to the NICU. It all happened so fast, I didn't know what to think. Later that day, they diagnosed him with a breathing condition, that was most likely due to fluid still in his lungs. Apparently this happens a lot with preemies and especially boys. He would spend the next 3 days in the NICU and be released the day after I was.

I hope you've enjoyed reading how my two kiddos came to me-straight from God! My new posts will all be about my journey raising the kids and our daily/weekly experiences. I hope that my infertility story can inspire others. You never know what God has in store for you. He holds the "blueprint" in his hands. It's hard at times to understand why things are the way they are, but hopefully at some point we can see a reason and a purpose behind all things. I hope my adoption story also helps another that needs inspiration in that situation as well.

In the Beginning....Part II

Luckily, Kevin had made the acquaintance of a super nice bellman at the hotel in Guatemala when he first arrived. Carlos was the bellman's name and he was born in Guatemala, but had moved to California and lived there for some time before returning to his home country. Since Carlos had lived in the States, his English was fantastic. Carlos had a soft spot for Kevin because he was all alone with a new infant son in a foreign country. I'm sure Kevin got some strange looks wandering around that hotel by himself with a new baby! People must have wondered where his wife or partner was. Anyways, Carlos and Kevin had talked a few times and since Cole needed Calamine lotion for his "spots", Kevin went out on a limb and asked for help. He approached Carlos and asked about getting to a nearby pharmacy. Carlos was glad to help and commented that Kevin wouldn't want to go there by himself anyway. Carlos took a break and drove his own car around to the front of the hotel to pick up Kevin and Cole. Kevin commented that there wasn't a car seat for Cole and Carlos said most people didn't use them there and Kevin could just hold Cole in his lap. Kevin, a little leery, followed his advice and climbed in.

When they reached the pharmacy, Kevin spotted two guards armed with machine guns standing outside. Startled, he asked Carlos what was going on. Carlos commented that this was normal in Guatemala since the pharmacy housed drugs. What a difference from your everyday CVS! Another difference- you didn't exit your car. It was a drive-through pharmacy! They drove through and purchased the Calamine lotion and some other baby supplies.

Upon returning to the hotel, Kevin offered Carlos some money for helping and thanked him. Carlos replied that he was glad to help and he really felt for Kevin since he was going through all of this alone. What a difference the kindness of strangers can make! Kevin quickly went up to his room to call me and tell me about his experience. Horrified, I listened and Kevin reassured me everything was OK and that Cole was even warming up to him. I was so relieved and wished I could be there with them. He was holding our new son and I was miles and miles away in a different country pregnant with our other son.

The next day, Kevin, Cole and our interpreter (supplied by our attorneys) went to the American Embassy to finalize paperwork so Kevin could leave the country with Cole. While there, Kevin asked to see an American doctor who could identify Cole's spots. The doctor confirmed that it was chicken pox and gave Kevin a paper stating this in case he had trouble at Customs in the U.S. Kevin was so relieved. He finished the paperwork and left to return to the hotel.

At the hotel, Kevin took Cole to the playroom, restaurant, and for walks around the lobby. There wasn't a lot to do and Kevin wasn't venturing outside, especially since he had heard gunshots the previous evening! (I've since heard that this is a normal occurrence in Guatemala.) Cole was really coming around with Kevin and even smiling and laughing, which was a big difference from the first night when he wouldn't even look at Kevin.

On October 6, 2006, Kevin dressed himself and Cole, packed up and headed for home. They would first land in Dallas, then switch planes and arrive in Columbus. I was a basket case! I was so nervous all day that I couldn't eat, think or focus. I couldn't wait for them to get home.

Cole at the hotel in Guatemala

Tired, hungry and overwhelmed, Kevin boarded the plane with Cole and flew to Dallas. Once in Dallas, Kevin made it past Customs and found the food court, where he gobbled down 2 hamburgers. He had barely eaten in Guatemala because he was so unnerved there. He called me afterwards and said he was about ready to board the next plane and gave me his expected arrival time in Columbus. I was ecstatic that they were out of Guatemala, in the U.S., and on their way home!

When Kevin boarded the next plane, he was flat out exhausted. He'd barely slept, eaten and had cared for a new baby all by himself for 3 days. Suddenly, a flight attendant approached him and said, "Sir, I'm sorry, but you cannot bring a child with an infectious disease onto the plane." Kevin pondered this for a minute and then looked her straight in the eye and said, "Well he's not infectious," and shoved past the attendant. Normally, he wouldn't have been so blunt and rude, but he hadn't come this far to be told to get off the plane and sit in Dallas for God knows how long. Luckily, the flight attendant didn't pursue the matter and realized that Kevin looked like he'd been to hell and back. It had been almost a year since we started this process, 3 years since we started trying for children and he was ready to get home and start a new life with his wife and kids.

Around 5 o'clock in the evening, Kevin and Cole touched down in Columbus and unloaded the plane. I had driven over to the airport with my in-laws. My dad drove separate and my sister waited at the house for our return. I was an anxious mess! I had so many emotions all at once. I was still taking the Terbutaline, which made me feel horrible, I was excited to see Kevin and most of all meet my new son for the first time. I parked the car, raced into the airport and walked quickly to the gate area where people were waiting for arriving passengers. My nerves were in a bundle! I was minutes away from seeing them! I was so overcome with emotion that I started pacing and walking further and further towards the armed guard that was eyeing me. He stood next to a sign that read something like, "No Entry Beyond this Point". Then I spotted them, I started sobbing uncontrollably, not noticing the people around me that were watching me as if I was a part of a reality TV show. I walked straight past the guard and straight past the sign. He looked over at me as if to say, "I'm not about to mess with an emotional pregnant woman, even if I do have a gun!" There they were, right in front of me. Kevin was safely home and Cole was finally here! I walked up to my new son and said, "Hi, honey." He, in return, reached out and touched my face with his little tan hand, as if to say he had been waiting for me as well. Our parents gathered around us and welcomed the two home as well, everyone overcome with excitement. Kevin rushed to the bathroom saying he had needed to go for a long time, but couldn't leave Cole on the plane seat by himself and didn't want to ask anyone else to hold him. I offered to take him, but was reminded that I needed to sit because I wasn't allowed to lift anything. I found a bar stool to sit on and Kevin handed Cole to me. There I sat with my new son. He was finally here, safe and happy. He took to me just as if he'd known me forever. I was just so happy holding him and still anticipating the arrival of my other son that I was carrying. To be continued.....

The "four" of us at the airport. Cole is finally here!

In the Beginning....

 I remember when Kevin and I first got married in September 2000. One thing we agreed on was that we did not want children. We envisioned a full life ahead with just the two of us as a small family unit. We figured we had siblings, parents, cousins and other extended family and friends to keep us busy and enrich our lives. We traveled, worked at our successful jobs, owned a condo, got a kitten (Who Kevin named Nittany because of his love for Penn State). Our lives were good! Kevin and I in San Francisco on the bay After a few years, things started to feel monotonous. We went to work, came home cooked dinner or went out, watched some TV or went to the gym, and then went to bed. The next day that same cycle started all over again. Something, I realized, was missing. I started feeling as if there was a hole in my life. I loved Kevin, my job was great, but it was almost like a piece of the puzzle was missing-an important and vital piece. It was at this time we decided through much discussion that we did want to have kids! That was what we felt was missing. We wanted little ones to share our lives with and give our love and attention to. So, this began the saga-our journey to have children. By 2003, we had lived in the condo for 3 years together and had been trying to get pregnant for a few months. We eventually decided to sell our condo and build a house closer to our jobs. The condo was built in the 70's and we wanted something new and fresh that we could put our own stamp on and begin making lasting memories in. We moved in with Kevin's parents while the new house was being built. The neighborhood as we first saw it The house was finished in the fall of 2004. It was beautiful! All of our designs and finishes came together pleasantly! We had our new home, our jobs, our travels and now we were hoping for a baby, even though we had been trying for almost a year! After talking with my doctor at this time, he told me that anyone who had tried without result for at least a year to become pregnant was considered to be going through infertility. Boy, that was a new word for me! I guess I knew what it meant, but was shocked that it was happening to me. My doctor explained that there were some options I could try. Surgery was one he suggested. I could have a laparoscopy to see if everything looked OK with my ovaries and fallopian tubes. I decided to go for it and had the surgery the in the spring of 2005. He did find some blockage in one of my fallopian tubes

and took care of that. To increase our chances I started on Clomid in August of 2005. I prayed to God about this choice and felt it was in his hands. He ultimately would decide if the medication would work or not. It had now been almost two years since we started trying for a baby!

We left for Las Vegas about a week after I started the medication. We thought the trip would do us good. When we left I was feeling really overwhelmed, anxious and just plain sick. I called the doctor and they informed me that some people had side affects while taking the Clomid. I had nausea, weakness, lose of appetite, just to name a few. I felt like I had the flu. We tried to enjoy ourselves, but I ended up in bed early most nights because of how sick I felt. Luckily, we went with friends that could keep Kevin company while I slept.

Kevin and I in Vegas. I'm trying to smile, but felt exhausted and terrible at the time.

When we returned from Vegas I decided I could not keep taking the medicine. I felt too bad on it and thought maybe it was God's way of telling me he would take care of the situation without me dabbling in fertility drugs!

By November of 2005, I had had it! It was going on 3 years and we still were not pregnant. I was sick of seeing pregnant people, sick of going to baby showers, and really sick of everyone telling me to "Just relax." I had become friends with a family who had a adopted a little girl from Guatemala. The mother told me of all the orphans that needed good homes down there. I pondered this for a while and after a few months of praying and thinking about it, I realized that this could be part of God's plan for us. Maybe I wasn't getting pregnant because Kevin and I were meant to adopt a baby who needed a good home. I looked into it and found an agency based out of Pennsylvania. The site reflected the faith of the owner and her passion to help children of Guatemala. I quickly contacted her and sent a preliminary application. I heard back extremely soon and had a long conversation with the agency owner. She took lots of information from me and I expressed that I was a Catholic, had tried for 3 years to get pregnant, knew a family who had adopted, and so on. She looked over our information and the next time I talked with her she said she normally didn't match people with a child so soon, but she had a great feeling about me, and knew of the family I was friends with who had previously adopted in Guatemala! She then told me news that shook my world. A baby boy had just been born in Utatlan, Guatemala and she knew the mother was not prepared to take care of him. If we were interested we could start the adoption process and this little boy would be ours! I immediately started sobbing into the phone and said, "Yes, we want to start the process!" A few days later I received the picture below.

We were delirious with excitement! Our new baby was finally here! Well, here on the Earth, not yet with us or even in our country! It was November of 2005 and off we were into the adoption process. Little did we know what we were getting ourselves into. We were told we should have him by May of 2006. Lots of paperwork, signatures, notaries and MONEY followed! We couldn't stand the waiting, but tried to do things to pass the time. I was busy with teaching and taking classes and Kevin was busy with work and side projects.

In May 2006 on a Saturday, I sat in a professional development class. We still didn't have Cole, but kept thinking any day we could hear news. I pulled my calendar out of my purse to look at the date and realized not only that it was in fact a Saturday in May, but something even more startling....I hadn't had my period in over a month and a half. Apparently the blood drained from my face, as I was later told by the instructor of the class. I went out into the hallway and called Kevin. He was confused, but said we'd discuss it when I got home.

After the class, I rushed to a CVS and picked up a pregnancy test. After so many failed ones I didn't want to get my hopes up. Also, this wasn't even in my realm of thought at the time. We had been so focused on getting Cole (our baby in Guatemala) that I hadn't even thought any more about getting pregnant. Once home, I took the test and what do you know? Two little pink lines! I was finally pregnant!!!! But wait, what about the other baby? There were now going to be two babies? What were we going to do? Needless to say we were in utter shock. I went to the doctor that week and everything was confirmed, I was indeed pregnant! I was about a month along.

My pregnancy was terrible. I went into pre-term labor in September 2006 and was confined to bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy. I was also put on Terbutaline for contractions. The Terbutaline made the Clomid seem like taking candy! I felt absolutely awful on the medicine, but I had to take it. It helped stop my contractions and keep my pregnancy viable.

Later in the month of September, we received the news we'd been waiting on for almost a year! It was time to pick up Cole, our son in Guatemala. I, of course, couldn't go because of my pregnancy, so Kevin was on his own. He flew down by himself and met our son! The trip went anything but smoothly. Upon arrival of our son to the hotel, Kevin noticed the baby had spots all over him. He was given an ointment to rub on the spots. He called me in a panic! Our new son was crying himself to sleep, not knowing what was going on and my husband was not at all sure what these mysterious spots were! I called the pediatrician and they informed me that it sounded like chicken pox! They also said ointment was the last thing to be putting on them. He needed Calamine lotion. The nearest pharmacy was not close and Kevin had no car and didn't speak Spanish. What was he going to do? To be continued......